Emotional Intelligence – Automatic Negative Feelings and Theraphy

ANFS (Automatic Negative Feelings) are negative feelings that come into our mind automatically. If left unchecked, will ruin our life, ruin our day; steal our happiness, ruin our mind.

How to get rid of ANFS? – the ANFS Therapy

Whenever we feel sad, mad, nervous, or out of control, do ourselves a favor by writing them down – “What are our negative feelings, what is our thinking at that moments of time?” Examples, “I am mad because he or she is not listening to me.” Write our feelings and thoughts down, “I am very mad with him or her because or she never seems to listen to me.”

If we do not write them down and leave them uninvestigated, they can become very toxic. These will lead to negative thoughts. Left unexamined, we will give our reasons to support them; we start to believe in them. Once we believe in them, we will act as if they are the truth. This believe will eventually lead others to actually ignore us, be irritated by us, and start to behave as the way we claim it to be – not to listen to us. They can really ruin our day, ruin our life; they can ruin how we feel; worst still it may even ruin our very important relationships.

Therefore, it is important that whenever we feel sad, mad, and nervous or out of control, instead of condemning, complaining, criticizing and talking about them, write them down how we feel and what we are we thinking at that moments of time. Then ask ourselves if it is true. If not, we can discard them. If yes, then ask what we have done now or in the past that cause others to behave like that. We begin to take responsibility for the failure in the communication process instead of blaming others

We become more aware of the actual scenario and we can steer our feeling, thinking and action more effectively instead of allowing them to ruin us. When we do not challenge or question them, we will most likely act negatively towards our ANFS.

Dr. Stanley Cham

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