Why can some people always only see the flaws of others and zoom in on them? And how would you deal with these kinds of people?
People who do that are either (1) Narcissists, and cannot be changed no matter what. Avoid them, walk away, don’t talk to them any more than you have to if you’re co-workers and NEVER EVER share personal information with them. (2) they’re insecure and can only feel better about themselves by pointing out the flaws of others.
BY caring about these people you’re filling up your mind with negative thoughts and energies by focusing on WHY. I know you think that if you understand WHY they do it, you can formulate an answer or solution and change THEM. You can’t. Even if you did understand why they do what they do, it doesn’t change anything or anyone. The only solution for getting away from the bad feelings you have when you’re around them is to change YOU. You, you can change. So start there. Develop and set personal boundaries. Dr. Henry Cloud has a great book called “Boundaries, when to Say Yes, How to Say No.” Best place ever for learning about boundaries.
With boundaries you don’t have to worry about how they act because you’re in control of how you act, and respond. For instance, if your boundary is that you don’t want to listen to someone criticize you, you tell them, “I don’t listen to uninvited criticism, and what you’re saying sounds like uninvited criticism. If you’d like to change the subject and talk about something else, I’d be happy to keep talking. If that doesn’t work for you then this conversation is over.” If they don’t agree to change the subject, say, “Okay, well, goodbye.” and walk away. Don’t argue. Don’t debate. Don’t get into a discussion. State your boundaries, ask what they choose to do and then if they don’t want to respect your boundary, walk away.
When you have good boundaries and can express and honor and enforce them you will stop attracting people like this because they’ll recognize you won’t put up with it. They need attention and if they want it from you they’ll learn to engage with you in ways you approve of.